An aural supplement, episode 1

Running Time: 1:08:11 | File Size 63 MB
Download: .mp3
To subscribe to this podcast: http://feeds.feedburner.com/ARockeyHomeCompanionPodcast

Welcome to Episode 1 of A Rockey Home Companion’s audio supplement; recorded live from the the Rockey home in majestic Greenwood, Indiana.

1. Joel Rockey “Waking Sleep”
2. The Shins “Sleeping Lessons”
3. Rusty Redenbacher “Older”
4. Elvis Costello “Green Shirt (demo)”
5. Prince “She’s Always in My Hair”
6. Tom Waits “Long Way Home”
7. The Be Good Tanyas “When Doves Cry”
8. Uncle Tupelo “Gun”
9. Jeff Tweedy “In a Future Age”
10. Lucinda Williams “Car Wheels on a Gravel Road”
11. Bill Mallonee “Wintergreen”
12. Flying J & The Pilots “Through & Through”
13. Of Montreal “Heimdalsgate Like a Promethean Curse”
14. Pearl Jam “Reign O’er Me”

Strange visitor from foreign lands

It could be snow, couldn't it? but it's been so long... I just don't know what to make of it.

Lost / Found

In my experience, it's been quite apparent that to those in the american midwest who describe themselves as 'christians' or at least attend church-type services once a week, 'church' can be very different ideas to different people. Sometimes described verbally in different terms, but often defined by the way 'church' is lived out in their lives. At times, I've seen 'church' described as a sort of club to be joined or a community social gathering. Other times it appears as place to go where five point sermons and fluffy love songs are meant to give a spiritual, yet often emotional boost to the faithful attendees that they might make it through another week and come back for more the following sunday. Folks gather to pay an awful lot of lip service but rarely put their money where their mouths are. There exist hierarchies of power and money often finds itself sitting much too high among them. There is a way of life preached and a way of life lived who occasionally shake hands before going their separate ways. People are encouraged to find redemption before God, yet when they allow themselves to be broken before their brother they are met with judgment and scorn. Is this a fitting description of those who Jesus would recognize as His bride? Are these portraits a fair likeness of the beloved of the Most High God?

Yeah, I'm guilty of such attitudes and actions as much as anyone. Yeah, I have some opinions, many of which are still probably slanted a bit by my experiences within the professional structures of the church. I do hope, however, that this perspective has matured a little since a year ago when I sat across from two men who would be described by others as leaders in the church. One of these men who I once thought of as a pastor and the other who was a future church elder of the most unbiblical character expected of such a position would proceed to tell me "we've decided that you should look for a new ministry." I sat there in the cold hallow confines of that pastor's den feeling like my gut was somehow trying pass my heart through my lower intestines. These two men continued on giving me little explanation to this decision and laying out options for me to make this decision look like my own. I opted not to play the little games designed to tidy up the mess which these men made. The next several months were painful and messy for my wife and myself as well as the kids and their families who this executive decision left in its wake.

Early on in the mess, I wanted to believe that it could be possible that God in His foresight would allow us to be ejected from that season of life for reasons which were righteous and good. Whatever the case, my wife and I soon realized that our lives had become much less busy than they were when our lives were consumed by church programs. We had time to spend with family and friends which we hadn't had in years. We were now able to spend time with my Alzheimer's-stricken grandfather and my grandmother who was his primary care-giver. The dementia had progressed far beyond what I had remembered and over the next several months, it would become even worse. He remembered my wife and I as coworkers or folks who he went to school with. He began forgetting who his children were. He would make up stories of people who were over at the house. He would talk almost exclusively about his days in the army or working as a salesman or employee of RCA. The disease was taking its toll on his mind. It was also taking its toll on my grandmother who would often find herself getting frustrated and angry at him. She began realizing that the care and discipline she had to give her husband was not unlike that which her youngest daughter had to give her three-year-old child.

Growing up, my grandparents were always a part of my life, but along with my wife I was becoming closer to my grandmother than I had ever been. I spent a good part of the summer painting their house and eating lunch with them. My wife and I would try to have dinner with them at least once every couple of weeks. Grandma began opening up about how hard it has been caring for Grandpa. My mother, who also lives nearby and spends a good deal of time talking with Grandma knew that something was going to eventually have to give. Over the holidays, my mom's brothers were over at the house and everyone was having to face the reality of how Grandpa's dementia had progressed. We all agreed that we would begin looking into Alzheimer's care facilities together. Then came the straw which broke the camel's back. Grandma was awoken one morning by the police knocking at her door inquiring about whether this was the house where Grandpa lived. It seemed that he had wandered out of the house to get the paper in the early hours of the night and kept on walking a few miles down the road to a gas station where he bought some cupcakes. At the advice of Grandpa's doctor, accompanied by my mom, Grandma took Grandpa to the hospital where he would stay for several days while his Alzheimer's was evaluated.

I've since been spending time with my grandparents while Grandma decides what move to make next. It's all such a scary and difficult thing to deal with. I can only imagine what it would be like for her to go through this all alone. The fact is that there were many times when she's felt very much alone in dealing with this merciless disease. However, these days I see her face glow when my wife and I arrive at the hospital to visit Grampa or when my mom and I accompany her to visit care facilities. I had lunch with her the other day and I heard her describe how she knows now that she isn't alone in this and how blessed she is by the family she has in her life.

I doubt that my wife and I would be as close to the situation with my grandparents as we've been if our lives had not been so freed up from the busyness of church programs. We've been freed to care for those who need care. We've been allowed the time to love those who need to know they're loved. I told my grandmother, "There have been times in the past year that I've been angry at God and I've cried out 'Why?' But this is the God who loves us." That God would let us be thrown out of a place so that we could be thrown into the life of a woman on the verge of losing her husband and in need of knowing she isn't alone is a quite beautiful thing.

Shhhh

What's that?

The sound of one night in a quiet house alone?

Shhhhh... savor the silence you two.

Long-term plans

Driving from Greenwood to Ft. Wayne this unseasonably warm Christmas morning was a reminder to me that with the passing of time, things must change. As creatures of habit and comfort, we become so convinced that settling into a home in which we plan on living well into retirement while raising our children or planning the rest of our lives around the security of a single career are noble, if not necessary aspirations. I don't know... perhaps not as many people live their lives in pursuit of this dream as I've convinced myself. However, the culture in much of the states seems to have imagined an idea of the American dream which expects her people to work toward a social level to classify those whom have "made it" and those whom have not. There exists this notion of career, income, school district, etc., etc as identity.

I confess that as hard as I kick against the corporate mindset of modern man, I have often found myself temporarily crippled by these intimidating cultural ideals. After all, I spent six years at a university earning a less than practical degree and have worked almost as many jobs in the six years since graduating. This resume could be quite discouraging for someone recognizing their own worth or contribution to life on this planet reaching only as far as their tenure. The longest of these employments (and the closest I've come to a "career" I suppose) was my three and a half years as youth ministry equipper at center grove presbyterian church. It's kind of humorous since my wife was recently quoting for me from a book she's been reading that the average American will have 14-15 jobs in their lifetime and those jobs will last an average of three and a half years... So there it is, I'm the average American. I've tried so hard my entire life to be anything but average!

Then I began reading Donald Miller's road memoir, Through Painted Deserts. In the introduction, Miller writes about the changing of the seasons, leaving home, and how that which doesn't change, dies. He explains that this is God's way... growth, dying to be reborn and all. Just as the earth and all within it experience seasons and change, so do we experience seasons in life. Change, coincidentally, is not only inevitable, but necessary. Change is growth, growth is life, life is knowing God and learning to love. It reminds me of how we're all becoming new, like when the apostle Paul talks about putting off the old man and putting on the new man and becoming transformed into the likeness of Christ. God alone has no need to change Himself because He was, is and is to come. Yet isn't it interesting that God in perfect nature would wrap himself in human skin, not to evolve or grow Himself, but to make Himself known to us... to come alongside us in our own evolution, showing us the way and changing our very status before his presence. The Creator is the only sustenance for all which continues to change. To evolve is to be in tune with our Creator.

I'm encouraged by this fact that job, home and relationships alone do not alone define us as creatures or decide the worth of our existence. Together, however, all of these factors make their mark on our lives bringing shape and pulling character from the core of our being to reflect the perfection of the Creator in the imperfection of man.

This man is a lover, poet, sinner, husband, artist, son, brother, performer, uncle, shepherd, student, friend, barista, custodian, reader, writer, listener, explorer, observer, in all these a worshiper of Christ. This is my "long-term plan".

At least the one which I hope to follow.

In praise of solid people

"Then do I envy solid folk
Who sit of evenings by the fire
After their work and doze and smoke,
And are not fretted by desire."

-C.S. Lewis

Xmastimes

While only about a week away, it sure doesn't feel like Christmas. It's like seventy degrees outside, the sun is shining, we don't even have a tree in our house save the tiny one perched atop my desk. It's only slightly larger than the our other plant... Charlie Brown would be proud I'm sure. I'm just now fixin' to meet up with mi amigo Kyle at the bux for some coffee, tea, perhaps some conversation. I suppose we could just stare at one another awkwardly while sipping our tasty beverages, but I'm not sure how comfortable that would make anyone feel. As of late, I have been letting the tape run on the old four track to see what it may capture. I recorded this little rendition of 'o come, o come emmanuel' which I like to play late at night for Miranda while pretending that there is snow on the ground and figgy pudding in the hopper.

Don't forget to come listen to me and some friends play some songs at The Strange Brew Coffeehouse on January 5th, 2007. Mmmmm... tasty! Hop over to this site for more information and such.