In my experience, it's been quite apparent that to those in the american midwest who describe themselves as 'christians' or at least attend church-type services once a week, 'church' can be very different ideas to different people. Sometimes described verbally in different terms, but often defined by the way 'church' is lived out in their lives. At times, I've seen 'church' described as a sort of club to be joined or a community social gathering. Other times it appears as place to go where five point sermons and fluffy love songs are meant to give a spiritual, yet often emotional boost to the faithful attendees that they might make it through another week and come back for more the following sunday. Folks gather to pay an awful lot of lip service but rarely put their money where their mouths are. There exist hierarchies of power and money often finds itself sitting much too high among them. There is a way of life preached and a way of life lived who occasionally shake hands before going their separate ways. People are encouraged to find redemption before God, yet when they allow themselves to be broken before their brother they are met with judgment and scorn. Is this a fitting description of those who Jesus would recognize as His bride? Are these portraits a fair likeness of the beloved of the Most High God?Yeah, I'm guilty of such attitudes and actions as much as anyone. Yeah, I have some opinions, many of which are still probably slanted a bit by my experiences within the professional structures of the church. I do hope, however, that this perspective has matured a little since a year ago when I sat across from two men who would be described by others as leaders in the church. One of these men who I once thought of as a pastor and the other who was a future church elder of the most unbiblical character expected of such a position would proceed to tell me "we've decided that you should look for a new ministry." I sat there in the cold hallow confines of that pastor's den feeling like my gut was somehow trying pass my heart through my lower intestines. These two men continued on giving me little explanation to this decision and laying out options for me to make this decision look like my own. I opted not to play the little games designed to tidy up the mess which these men made. The next several months were painful and messy for my wife and myself as well as the kids and their families who this executive decision left in its wake.
Early on in the mess, I wanted to believe that it could be possible that God in His foresight would allow us to be ejected from that season of life for reasons which were righteous and good. Whatever the case, my wife and I soon realized that our lives had become much less busy than they were when our lives were consumed by church programs. We had time to spend with family and friends which we hadn't had in years. We were now able to spend time with my Alzheimer's-stricken grandfather and my grandmother who was his primary care-giver. The dementia had progressed far beyond what I had remembered and over the next several months, it would become even worse. He remembered my wife and I as coworkers or folks who he went to school with. He began forgetting who his children were. He would make up stories of people who were over at the house. He would talk almost exclusively about his days in the army or working as a salesman or employee of RCA. The disease was taking its toll on his mind. It was also taking its toll on my grandmother who would often find herself getting frustrated and angry at him. She began realizing that the care and discipline she had to give her husband was not unlike that which her youngest daughter had to give her three-year-old child.
Growing up, my grandparents were always a part of my life, but along with my wife I was becoming closer to my grandmother than I had ever been. I spent a good part of the summer painting their house and eating lunch with them. My wife and I would try to have dinner with them at least once every couple of weeks. Grandma began opening up about how hard it has been caring for Grandpa. My mother, who also lives nearby and spends a good deal of time talking with Grandma knew that something was going to eventually have to give. Over the holidays, my mom's brothers were over at the house and everyone was having to face the reality of how Grandpa's dementia had progressed. We all agreed that we would begin looking into Alzheimer's care facilities together. Then came the straw which broke the camel's back. Grandma was awoken one morning by the police knocking at her door inquiring about whether this was the house where Grandpa lived. It seemed that he had wandered out of the house to get the paper in the early hours of the night and kept on walking a few miles down the road to a gas station where he bought some cupcakes. At the advice of Grandpa's doctor, accompanied by my mom, Grandma took Grandpa to the hospital where he would stay for several days while his Alzheimer's was evaluated.
I've since been spending time with my grandparents while Grandma decides what move to make next. It's all such a scary and difficult thing to deal with. I can only imagine what it would be like for her to go through this all alone. The fact is that there were many times when she's felt very much alone in dealing with this merciless disease. However, these days I see her face glow when my wife and I arrive at the hospital to visit Grampa or when my mom and I accompany her to visit care facilities. I had lunch with her the other day and I heard her describe how she knows now that she isn't alone in this and how blessed she is by the family she has in her life.
I doubt that my wife and I would be as close to the situation with my grandparents as we've been if our lives had not been so freed up from the busyness of church programs. We've been freed to care for those who need care. We've been allowed the time to love those who need to know they're loved. I told my grandmother, "There have been times in the past year that I've been angry at God and I've cried out 'Why?' But this is the God who loves us." That God would let us be thrown out of a place so that we could be thrown into the life of a woman on the verge of losing her husband and in need of knowing she isn't alone is a quite beautiful thing.
